Objavljeno 25.01.2021.

Recenzija: 'Nemirni', Linn Ullmann

“Nemirni” samo nalikuje romanu. Tu je sve ono što je potrebno kako bi zadovoljilo formu koju ova književna vrsta zahtijeva; tu je tema, odnos pripovjedača prema priči, sentimentalni ton, prstenasti siže koji spretno sjedinjuje sve slojeve osobnog naslijeđa Linn Ullman...

Naslov djela: “Nemirni”
Ime autora: Linn Ullmann
Naslov izvornika: “De Urolige”
S norveškoga prevela: Željka Černok
Godina izdanja: 2020.
Nakladnik: Naklada Ljevak

'Kada bi postojao teleskop koji možemo usmjeriti natrag u prošlost, mogla bih reći: Pogledaj, eno nas, tako je to bilo. I svaki put kad nismo sigurni je li to čega se sjećam istina, ili je to čega se ti sjećaš istina, ili je li se sve to stvarno dogodilo, ili jesmo li uopće postojali, mogli bismo zajedno pogledati kroz teleskop i provjeriti.'

(“Nemirni”, Linn Ullmann)

“Nemirni” samo nalikuje romanu. Tu je sve ono što je potrebno kako bi zadovoljilo formu koju ova književna vrsta zahtijeva; tu je tema, odnos pripovjedača prema priči, sentimentalni ton, prstenasti siže koji spretno sjedinjuje sve slojeve osobnog naslijeđa Linn Ullman, prve i jedine kćeri norveške glumice Liv Ullmann i devetog djeteta slavnog švedskog redatelja Ingmara Bergmana. 

No, svakim pročitanim retkom knjige nazvane memoarskom prozom, shvaćamo kako su “Nemirni” zapravo struja svijesti, reminiscencija jedne krhke djevojčice odrasle na razmeđi dana i noći, majke i oca – vječito izgubljene djece koja su “vrlo ozbiljno stvarala pravila za igre koje će igrati zajedno”. Pa dok u kući u Hammarsu, očevom najdražem i posljednjem utočištu na švedskom otoku Fårö, Bergmana sustiže zla kob starosti i postupnog odmaka od stvarnosti, između njega i kćeri rađa se ideja dokumentiranja jednog starenja. Na šest snimki, svakoj nešto dužoj od dva sata, Linn i Ingmar postaju kroničari propadanja tijela, uma i sjećanja. 

U “krčkavim, krckavim, prtljavim, pipkavim” tišinama zabilježenima na magnetofonskoj vrpci, Ullmann ne veliča njegovu jedinstvenu sposobnost da kod svakoga u svom prisustvu izazove osjećaj jedinstvenosti, čak na trenutke razarajući njegovu narcisoidnost, no ipak istodobno odaje počast čovjeku koji, postupno propadajući “u svim nijansama plave koje su mu se pojavile na rukama i stopalima i dijelovima lica kad mu je ostalo samo nekoliko dana ili sati života”, nije izgubio esenciju koja ga je činila onim što jest. Ili što je bio. 

“Postao je nešto, čak i kad je prestao postojati”, bilježi Ullmann, dijete rođeno iz dvije samoće, dijete koje je “imalo jedno tijelo za sebe, jedno tijelo za čežnju”, jer joj je otac rekao kako bez čežnje ne možeš živjeti, pa sam na kraju života čeznuo za putovanjem, iako se više nije sjećao riječi čežnja; dijete koje je satima plakalo pored telefona čekajući majku da je nazove sa drugog kraja svijeta, jer je majka “mogla učiniti da oblak promijeni oblik, da srce brže kuca”. 

Liv Ullmann zvali su Bergmanovom muzom, sam Bergman nazivao ju je njegovim Stradivarijem – “instrumentom vrhunske klase, velikog, moćnog zvuka” , dok neugledna djevojčica, rezultat ljubavi umjetnika i njegova instrumenta, namjesto kakvog novog Stradivarija postaje tek “malenim, neugođenim orguljama”. No, Linn Ullmann ne piše sa žalom, gorčinom, već zaključuje, suvislo i metodički, a opet tako beskrajno sarkastično, kako majka i otac “zavedeni metaforama” nisu znali kako je “provedeno nekoliko testiranja koja su pokazala da Stradivari ustvari ne zvuči ništa bolje od drugih violina iste klase”.

'Zar je stvarno željela biti violina?
Ima i gorih sudbina: Smisao života muze je da bude ogledalo velikom umjetniku. Bez umjetnika nema ni muze. Svraka nije nikome ogledalo, vidljiva je bez ičije pomoći, ustvari, svraka može prepoznati svoj odraz u ogledalu.'

(“Nemirni”, Linn Ullmann)

Linn Ullman se u “Nemirnima” neraskidivo spojila sa usamljenom kćeri, spisateljicom i majkom – vlastitim trojstvom koje čeznutljivo prekapa po sjećanjima, preslušava magnetofonske vrpce i misli na kojima je zabilježeno sve i nije zabilježeno ništa. Pa dok ispraća oca u tišinama, riječima i umiranju koje je počelo onoga dana kada je Bergman, oduvijek opsjednut točnošću, zakasnio sedamnaest minuta, Ullmann nam, u spoznaji nestalnosti sjećanja i ljudske prirode, u ovoj snažnoj knjizi pripovijeda o neumirućoj ljubavi između roditelja i djece te čvrstim sponama koje ih vežu i nakon što život dođe svome kraju.

'Kada bi pisali o stvarnim osobama, poput roditelja, djece, ljubavnika, prijatelja, neprijatelja, stričeva, braće i sestara, ili običnih prolaznika, potrebno je učiniti ih fiktivnima. Mislim da je to jedini način da im udahnemo život. Sjećati se znači stalno se ogledati oko sebe i uvijek iznova biti iznenađen.
‘Autobiografija počinje osjećajem da si sasvim sam’, piše John Berger.
Htjela sam vidjeti što će se dogoditi ako nas pustim da se pojavimo u knjizi kao da nigdje drugdje ni ne pripadamo.'

(“Nemirni”, Linn Ullmann)

Još priča potražite na:

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